Scraping off the fag ash! Otherwise known as taking out the rubbish

I was going to write about having to give up people who may drag you back to becoming a smoker because they miss your company when smoking, or the fact that they can no longer scrounge fags from you or just the people who the only thing you have in common is that you smoked. But I thought to hell with that when I realised that it would be a very short blog.

I decided to go with discussing the other changes I made when I stopped smoking.  With stopping smoking I started looking at other changes I needed to make in my life. As one of my other problems was the fact that I am what is classed as obese, the obvious one was to lose weight but as I am not a gym person I went with joining my local walking group to start me off. I have enjoyed the walking group but as the walks take place at night and the dark nights are drawing in, it will eventually come to an end for the winter. There is a daytime one so I may decide to join that instead.  I may eventually develop the confidence to walk into a gym but for now I’ll enjoy my walking. I have discovered it’s great to be able to walk along and have a conversation with someone as you walk without getting out of breath. As a smoker I used to find it difficult to walk and talk as I got out of breath quite quickly. I have been seriously considering getting back into cycling which I did a lot of when my children were younger. I find it quite funny that I’m paranoid about taking my little chunky body into a gym but I’ll quite happily think about parking my chunky butt on a cycle seat. My task for next week is to visit the local Recyke a Biketo see if they have a bike that would be suitable for me. I never thought about cycling again but a friend mentioned that cycling was good as it was low impact and wouldn’t put any stress on the parts of my body I was having pains in (my legs) mind you I probably will end up with a pain in the butt after having not cycled for so long.

Another thing I started realising after stopping smoking was that somewhere along the lines my life had come to a standstill. I used to attend lots of groups and was a member of several committees. Somehow I had stopped going places; I had become a recluse who never went anywhere. My limit to going out was down to when I had to; I went to the shop when I had to, into town when I had to. Basically I went nowhere and my companionship was limited to people who came to visit me. Now the problem with this is you are limited to a certain type of person who visits you. Unfortunately for me some of the people I had become friendly with were of the negative variety. Thankfully I came to my senses about what these people were like and told them to take a hike and stop visiting – otherwise known as ‘stay the hell away from me!’  I realised very quickly after they stopped coming about that these people are what I commonly refer to as a ‘living vampires’ you know the type of person who sucks the life out of everybody around them. Everything about their life was negative and their negativity drew you in and dragged you down. Looking back it was a bit like being struck down by a mystery illness and not knowing what the cause of it was. Thankfully I think I realised pretty quickly what they were like before they dragged me right down with them. Unfortunately these types of people quickly latch themselves onto the next person they can find which in my case was my estranged husband. It took him many months to realise that I wasn’t being a vindictive ex who was trying to drive his ‘friends’ away that I really did have his best interest at heart. I guess their problem is that they look for decent, helpful people who have normal lives with very few (surface) problems in their life and they latch onto them to get a taste of a decent life that they themselves struggle to have.  I felt so much better for not having them in my life it’s like a cloud has lifted from my house and my life. I am trying very hard in my life to keep negative people out of it. I really don’t need to deal with other people’s negativity, especially if they are unwilling to deal with the source of the problems in their own life. It’s not my problem is my new way of looking at things.

Fortunately for me the ‘vampire’ has found another source to suck the life from and at the moment the ‘source’ is listening to nobody. Until they can see what the ‘vampire’ is like there’s not a lot any of us can do – suppose it’s a bit like being addicted to something. What’s not helping at the moment is the ‘source’ is being horrible towards me because they know I don’t like their friend. So at the moment my thoughts are – it couldn’t have happened to a nicer person – but maybe that’s just me being nasty. I know eventually the life will be sucked out of the source but I reckon as he’s a stubborn git, it’s going to take a lot longer for him to realise than it took the rest of us.

Thought for today – My life is the only thing I really have any control over, no matter how hard I try or how much I want to I cannot make other people change their lives if they don’t want to.





About inmylifeandbeyond

40 something Mum of 4 Self confessed WoW geek Avid Reader
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