Well sad to say that on day 81 I had a major screw up. I bought a 10 pack and I think I ended up smoking about half of them. My daughter and my friend stole the rest of them so I couldn’t smoke them. I know what caused my screw up but before anybody suggests walking away or getting rid of the cause of my stress – I’m not sure my 19 year old son would appreciate being kicked out. I’ve been very good since then though and I think my major talk with him has made him realise that stressing Mum out is not a good idea.
I had been doing so well too and I’m very disappointed in myself for giving in to temptation and giving my cash to the tobacco companies again. Unfortunately I think I’ve had another screw up without actually realising I had did it. I was managing so well with my Inhalators, even though the inner parts had actually run out I was using them as a ‘something to hold onto’ bit like my own personal comfort blanket. A few weeks ago I noticed on one of those daily bargain sites that they had an E-cigarette on the cheap and I gave into my inner gadget freak temptation and bought one. Little did I realise that this wasn’t going to help me. I was nicotine free and feeling great. So what have I gone and done? Yes I’ve started using something that once again has nicotine in it, maybe none of the shit that the dreaded fags have but looks like I have to get myself clean once again from the nicotine. At the moment I’m sitting here typing this feeling like shit, I have a headache, blocked nose and my head feels like it weighs a ton. I’m tired and want to sleep and generally feel under the weather. I’m feeling the way I did a couple of months ago and I really don’t like it.
Major decision time again. Tomorrow morning the E-cigarette goes into the drawer and I once again try to wean myself of the nicotine addiction that I have given myself again. I know I can do it, I’ve done it before. If I can kick the dreaded fags I can certainly give up a little gadget.
Motto for today – I CAN AND WILL DO THIS!